Sunday, February 28, 2010

Newest Vanderveen





My brother, Joel and his wife Katie had a son last week, Emmett Joel (EJ), the newest addition to the Vanderveen Collection. Sarah and I went to visit him today, he had just been circumcised--eight days after his birth as per Jewish law and custom (my brother and his wife keep a version of Messianic Judaism). Beautiful boy.

Holding another child from my brother's family, now larger than my own, and his first son, I started to think more about what his boy will be like when he's a teenager like my own two sons. It's like you're looking at a blank slate, some of which will develop via the DNA and some of which will be shaped with environment, prayer and time. "Who's in there?" I kept asking.

EJ WTF?
peanut-like in size and shape
who are you? who? who?

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Home Again



After traveling for two weeks of family time and work (Mammoth and Maui), I never really feel like I'm home until I reconnect with Sissi (Sarah), my wife.

Landed yesterday morning at 7am from Maui with an Ambien and Sarita hangover, worked out, surfed, coached soccer, took kids to band practice (forgot one--apologies Harrison), went out to dinner with a good friend and then crashed hard. . .woke up this morning with my well-tussled and beautiful wife to realize I was finally home again.

powdery mountains
azul tropic tubes and back
sissi brings me home

Friday, February 19, 2010

Haikutomatic Lent


During my second day of attempts to fly from California to Maui (yesterday from Mammoth, today from Laguna via LAX--currently in a four-hour delay my second day), I came across the Haikutomatic on the Dudesblog:

http://dudeism.com/haikutomatic.html

Obviously haiku is my genre of choice lately, and this little device pulls randomized five and seven syllable sequences of phrases from the script of The Big Lebowski. After flipping through it for a while, I came up with this little Dudiku for Lent:


don't roll on shabbos
that had not occurred to us
dios mio, man

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Losing Control


I received a couple of interesting messages today, this one from a friend from a book titled The Message:

"Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

From my Dad today via another friend from Isaiah 55:

“ For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, 11 So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."

All this was in my inbox BEFORE I got to Mammoth airport at 10am, sat there until about 1pm and then learned my postponed flight to LAX was cancelled--the same flight that was supposed to connect me to my fight to Maui. So I spent the day meeting new folks, breaking some bread with them, sharing some drinks and flying via Reno to LAX and catching a ride home to Laguna. Typically I'd get a bit bent out of shape, but not today, because I'd been told twice that I didn't need to be in control of it all already.

Then of course, St Oz drives it home:

Read John 13. We see there the Incarnate God doing the most desperate piece of drudgery, washing fishermen's feet, and He says - "If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet, ye also ought to wash one another's feet." It requires the inspiration of God to go through drudgery with the light of God upon it. Some people do a certain thing and the way in which they do it hallows that thing for ever afterwards.


embrace drudgery
displace worry, lose control
transformed spirit

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Eyes Wide Shut


Almighty God, you have created us out of the dust of the earth: Grant that these ashes may be to us a sign of our mortality and penitence, that we may remember it is only by your gracious gift we are given everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Savior.

Posted by a friend on her FB page.

Here is what St Oswald says:

The disciples went to sleep when they should have kept awake, and when they realized what they had done it produced despair. The sense of the irreparable is apt to make us despair, and we say - "It is all up now, it is no use trying any more." If we imagine that this kind of despair is exceptional, we are mistaken, it is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize that we have not done that which we had a magnificent opportunity of doing, then we are apt to sink into despair; and Jesus Christ comes and says - "Sleep on now, that opportunity is lost for ever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the next thing." Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ, and go out into the irresistible future with Him.


Today was Ash Wednesday. I pretty much skied, drank a PBR tallboy and part of a great Bloody Mary, went to a wonderful dinner with friends and essentially slept through the day that is supposed to be the day we remember our penitence and mortality AND the gracious gift Christ made for us. Just when I was feeling the first pangs of guilt, I read St Oz who said, basically, "Fuck it, you missed it. Be ready for the next opportunity." [I paraphrase.]


how did i miss this?
waking up my eyes wide shut
irresistible

Barley Pops


Some days are wonderful but not for apparent reasons. Some days the magic, the ju-ju, just kind of sneaks up on you when you don't expect it.


This is some of what St. Oswald has to say about Feb 16:

We all have any number of visions and ideals when we are young, but sooner or later we find that we have no power to make them real. We cannot do the things we long to do, and we are apt to settle down to the visions and ideals as dead, and God has to come and say - "Arise from the dead." When the inspiration of God does come, it comes with such miraculous power that we are able to arise from the dead and do the impossible thing. The remarkable thing about spiritual initiative is that the life comes after we do the "bucking up." God does not give us overcoming life; He gives us life as we overcome. When the inspiration of God comes, and He says - "Arise from the dead," we have to get up; God does not lift us up. Our Lord said to the man with the withered hand - "Stretch forth thy hand," and as soon as the man did so, his hand was healed, but he had to take the initiative. If we will do the overcoming, we shall find we are inspired of God because He gives life immediately.


Sissi and the boys and I are up at Mammoth. The weather and snow and friends have been perfect--spring conditions, great meals, and a great combination of people.

Tonight we had fondue, good wine and great cognac with some friends (I'm giving up cheese for the Lenten season, I think). Sarah and I came home and watched Crazy Heart. An amazing story about a drunk and washed-up country western singer who falls in love with a younger woman and her son. He loses that relationship because of his drinking, but that loss finally puts him at rock bottom and gives him cause to sober up. He bucks up, then God delivers the inspiration to begin writing great songs again.

Jeff Bridges plays Bad Blake, the alcoholic singer/songwriter. There are a lot of overlaps between Jeff Lebowski and Bad, from the opening scene in a bowling alley to the "barley pops" ("oat sodas" in The Big Lebowski) that Jeff and Robert Duvall drink whilst fishing to kill a hangover. I don't drink a lot of beer anymore, and I rarely drink it from a can, but today I had the same barley pop as Jeff and Robert did in the film, a Pabst Blue Ribbon, which was pretty much perfect with my chili on the slopes. Guess I have some bucking up to do myself.

initiative
barley pabst blue hand stretches
my inspiration

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Mammoth in the 20th Century


Some parts of Mammoth are still in the 20th Century, one my favorites is Tamarack Lodge, GPS won't get you there:

go through the tunnel
past the snowy bridge, turn right
gewurztraminer

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Sacrament of Nature


Nature to a saint is sacramental. If we are children of God, we have a tremendous treasure in Nature. In every wind that blows, in every night and day of the year, in every sign of the sky, in every blossoming and in every withering of the earth, there is a real coming of God to us if we will simply use our starved imagination to realize it.

From Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest.
http://www.myutmost.org/02/0210.html

I have written other places about how my relationships with my brothers and the ocean are sacramental. They touch my soul. Truly, I believe that while surfing, I have communion of the saints, unity with the body of believers, living and dead through this baptism of water and the spirit.

In Genesis 1:2, we see that ". . .and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."

It seems pretty obvious that as Christ walked on water and the Spirit of God hovered over the waters during creation, so man has a unique relationship with his God via the ocean.

This week was an interesting one. As I was having some significant challenges with partners, a deal and some overall business issues, I felt like the Word was speaking to me via St. Oswald. I went surfing (not that unusual). The surf was fun, I got into a stupid argument with a guy in the line-up, but walking out of the water, I had to pass through a flock of seagulls. Thinking about St Oswald and the sacraments of nature, I reflected on what sacraments I had taken that day.

Walking out of the cold, February water and onto the low-tide, exposed sand bars of wet and compact sand, I had to pass through a large group of seagulls. I slowed down. Everystep I took the brids would fly away as if I was passing through them. It reminded me of Avatar when the main character was touching the flowers at night and they responded to him. It was as if nature and my interactions were connecting in a new way I had never experienced before (except that it was something I had experienced many times before). It was seeing something rather common as an epiphany.

The magic and the pure joy that sprang from my frustration did seem like the pure hand of God liberating my imagination through the sacrament of nature.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Ex Nihilo



Last night was our first high school prom-type event. Laguna Beach High School Winter Formal (2010). Schuyler went with a very nice girl, Taylor Nederlander--a tennis star and beauty. Looking at their photos, I cannot believe how big our little boy has grown. It was a late night and we got to pick them up and drive them home.

This morning, we slept in, made breakfast (chili-egg scramble), watched 30-Rock on DVR and then I read the "Other Side of Hate" from GQ to the boys. Such a powerful story. I think it's still settling on all of us.

Tennis lessons for Schuyler, Willem revived from his sleep-over and then gearing up for Sissi's baby shower for our sister-in-law, Katie and a Superbowl party for the boys at friend's homes.

Willem went to a friend's and Schuyler and I hung out at the Crank Brothers, pro mountain biker party, with a bunch of XS Lemon Blast and Beers--XS Radlers or "cyclists" in German, as they call beer and lemonade drinks.

We skipped church. It felt really good.


today nothing is
what we are about today
ex nihilo est

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Other Side of Hate


I was going to write another rant about grace and justice, but instead I found an article that I've been holding and re-read it. It's about the failure of corruption and social justice in Zimbabwe and the success of radical grace from a farmer with a laundry list of injustices against him.

Please read the linked article below. Most radically of all, it appeared in GQ, in an issue with Will Ferrell on the cover in a ridiculous swimsuit (the reason I bought the magazine in an airport).

This is a hilarious Will Ferrell slideshow from that issue:
http://www.gq.com/entertainment/celebrities/200606/will-ferrell-slideshow#slide=1

This is the article that is radical grace:
http://www.gq.com/news-politics/big-issues/200606/andrew-corsello-george-bush-zimbabwe

Friday, February 5, 2010

Injustice Basterds


Last night I went to a screening of Inglorious Basterds at the Tolerance Museum. It was a deeply moving event on a number of levels. First, through connections to the family of Holocaust survivor (now deceased), I am gaining a better understanding of the generational costs of that atrocity to the Jewish community--it's unlike any injustice in the Western world that I am aware of today.

Second, as I try to understand the Jewish culture and beliefs better, I had a conversation with a rabbi in the lobby of the Tolerance Museum that was private but telling. He said to me that the museum should be called the Museum of Intolerance. As an example, we were discussing the security and he talked about an extremist who came to LA to kill Jews and an immigrant, entered the Tolerance Museum and left, because he recognized that if he started shooting in there, he would not make it out alive. The rabbi said to me, "Jews cannot be tolerant of Muslims until every Muslim that wants to kill a Jew is dead." I heard similar comments later that evening about Nazis who killed Jews. It's an eye for an eye. Makes total sense if the goal is perfect justice, or as close to it as you can get.

So the screening was roughly 300 people, a packed house. Many in attendance were quite old and many of those had survived the Holocaust. Like other viewings of Basterds, there was cheering and audience enthusiasm when Nazis were scalped, tortured and beaten to death with baseball bats. It has seemed odd to me that our nation does not allow water boarding of totalitarian, Muslim extremists who are intent on killing innocents, but we cheer the horrific demise of "Nazis"--of these caricatures of German soldiers.

Granted, the Nazis are guilty of one of the worst (and best documented) crimes against humanity. Mao and Stalin may have killed more people, but Hitler kept records. He also did it systematically and to a race of people. The Holocaust has been documented and recreated so that most of us are well-aware of its horrors and moral terror. It has created a deep injustice and indebtedness between the Germans who participated or supported the Nazis and the peoples who were damaged by it, the Jews being the group that lost the most.

Here is what struck me: no one else is still fighting for their national injustices. My family is of Dutch ancestry. Many Dutch hid Jews and fought in the underground resistance. Many Dutch ended up in camps and died for the Jews and in their fight against the Nazis. The Dutch are not continuing to seek repayment. The Americans are not continuing to seek repayment. We ended the war and cleaned it up as best we could decades ago. I believe that process comes from a fundamentally different concept of rights, responsibilities and what justice demands.

After the showing a number of people involved in the film discussed it. It was primarily a Jewish affair. Eli Roth, who played Sgt Donny Donnovan in the film, the Bear Jew, the guy who beats Nazi's to death with a baseball bat and (spoiler alert) shoots and kills Hitler, said, "Jews are like money lenders (audience laughs), we charge interest on past injustices. . . I care more about an injustice that happened 50 years ago than I do about an injustice that happened yesterday."

It's unclear to me how you pay dividends on injustice. The Hatfield and McCoy model of seeking justice doesn't seem to work well. I don't think we'll ever get to peace in the Blue Ridge Mountains or the Middle East if we're all trying to rectify the injustices we can find between our fathers. As the evening wore on and the accounts of injustices against Jews by Nazis continued, a phrase popped into my head that we used to joke about in high school: "Remember the Hittites."

The Hittites, or the city of Ai, or other peoples of Canaan were largely wiped out, according to Biblical accounts, under the commands of God to the Israelites. In fact, with the city of Ai, God commanded that the Israelites not spare any man, woman, child or beast. The Israelis could not even keep any loot--it all had to be destroyed. Total genocide. Who is owed that debt and how much interest has accrued over the past few thousand years?

The concept of forgiveness does not seem to exist in the Jewish model I saw last night. Grace is entirely foreign. To not exact justice is an insult to the people who were killed for these Jewish friends. I get it, I understand the demands that Justice makes. Somehow though, it seems unyielding or enslaving to try to balance the scales. The great liberation of the Christian message, the message of giving an extra mile, more clothing and loving your enemy is that it sets you free from having to try to exact repayment for injustices against you and ones that you (or your past generations) may have committed. Truly, the Christian to response to personal injustice is to forgive and be forgiven, it is to simply reply, "I was told there would be no math." Christians have this right because they believe that their sins are against God primarily. Christians believe that God made a perfect sacrifice through his son, like Abraham nearly did with Isaac, which serves as a scapegoat for all the sins of man. Accepting this free gift of grace has a requirement that you also extend it. The freedom has a cost--give up the claims of injustice against you.

The revolution of grace to me is not that it requires anyone to give up their rights or privileges--it acknowledges them, it says, "You have every right to expect repayment, but the real bugger is that others have every right to expect repayment from you as well--and no one ever views their sins as badly as the person they've been done against. Release and be released. Take a mulligan and give one." I believe that the message of grace is one that recognizes that justice-based systems are doomed to failure, to create a world that is a harsh place to live and impossible to balance. It says that you can take a mulligan, but you've got to offer everyone else a mulligan as well. The greatness of a mulligan-based system is that it allows folks to move on, to be liberated from the slavery of attempting to exact justice.

Rabbi Hier was in attendance. He has won two Academy Awards for documentaries, most recently (2003) for Genocide. He mentioned that very few Holocaust films were made until the 60s and 70s--decades after WWII ended. Today we seem to have a proliferation of films, articles and other justice and social justice movements. My concern is that although the amount of injustice in the Western world seems to be diminishing, particularly between Jews and Nazis, the anger, outrage and cries for repayment seem to be getting louder and bigger. The crowd of people, particularly the younger folks in the audience, seemed more upset and angry about the Holocaust last night than the survivors were in 1950. I don't see that as a healthy trend.

Do I believe that we should have fought the Nazis? Of course. Do I think we should be surgically targeting and eradicating religious extremists who are a danger to innocents and our world? Of course. Do I think we should be building systems that count past grievances, costs and the interest due on those accounts? I don't think so--it seems to build a sense of entitlement for debts that will not and cannot be repaid, which simply leads to expanding expectations that cannot be fulfilled. As the Davies J-Curve demonstrates when the gap between reality and expectations grows too great, societies become unstable and revolution ensues. That does not enhance anyone's life--I'm not interest in justice at the hands of the Jacobins.

I think that I have a better understanding of the depth of the injustice that the Jews inherited through the Holocaust from the screening last night. Certainly, I understand their claims against Nazis that killed and exterminated Jews in camps. It makes sense that a film glorifying the Jews who fought back (and should have) is going to be popular and give the Jewish people a sense of getting some additional justice. I'm concerned that it also seems to enhance the belief that more is owed than can ever be repayed. As one Israeli soldier in the audience said [I paraphrase], "I went into the Israeli Army, not because I thought that I could fight the Nazis, but so I could fight others who want to kill Jews the way the Nazis did." I'm not sure that such visualization helps make the world a happier or better place.


growing debts still grow
how does one harvest that shit?
help a brother out

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

February Birthdays

Cath posted a great one about our friend, Mark, today--he was killed in Iraq two-years-ago in April. We were college roommates, neighbors in Laguna, both had wives named "Sarah," and both had February birthdays, he was a day after my Mom's and eight days before my own. I beat him to 40 and now have to beat him to 41--that sucks.

This is Cath's post: http://2010creationandsubtraction.blogspot.com/

Made a memory today.
Went to see where my friend Mark is buried.
74.4 miles south of my home is where his grave is.
(At first I typed "where he is." But Mark isn't there. He's elsewhere. Surfing with Jesus.)
It's peaceful at Rosencrans. The view is beautiful. While I was there, in the harbor down below in the distance, an aircraft carrier slowly moved by toward the open sea. So did a tall ship with three masts, and a destroyer.
There was a gentle breeze and birds sang and flirted in the nearby trees.
It smelled like mown grass.
In three days he would have been 41.
I miss him.


I tried to comment but couldn't figure it out. Blame it on the Mac. I sent Cath a note.

"I think I know where he is. . .'and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.'" Gen. 1:2.

god takes my brothers
baptism of the spirit
communion of saints